Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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