smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
