ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
