Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
