no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
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Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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