Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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