I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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