I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize