So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
