can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
