She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just got carded by a ten year old.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
