She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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