We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
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