All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
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He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
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He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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