oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My ATM looks so different sober.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize