Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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