Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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