When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
