currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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