Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
