im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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