That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
