rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It's blow job season.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
