I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
