i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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