I just cut my nipple shaving
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
