I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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