i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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