guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my vag is so smooth its legendary
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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