dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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