End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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