that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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