i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
