fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
