this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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