Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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