he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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