my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The Olympian is in my bed
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
