im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
