dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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