so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
