i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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