hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
