yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
