I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
