At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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