Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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