Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
