Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize