I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
