They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
