There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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