Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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