we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i need some magic done to my vagina
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
