Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
