Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
