I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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