Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
