Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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