Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
