don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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