i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
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We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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